Procrastination

I get frustrated when I am rewarded for my procrastination. Not that people do this intentionally, but it seems to happen often. I put things off until the very last minute and do a poor job of completing it, knowing that I am going to bomb as a result of it. Then it comes around to the evaluation of whatever project it was and I get rewarded. Either with a good grade or good report or good result. How does a person learn that procrastination is a bad thing like this? While I am pleased that I am getting good grades, I know the work that went into it was below par. C.S. Lewis was saying in one of his books that procrastination is simply laziness, made me feel real good. But I know in my heart that it is true. I really don't want to be lazy; I would really like to do my work to the best of my ability. Guess that is why I must continue to discipline myself in this area.

School

Back at it again, school. Let me tell you, I am really not that excited about it right now. I am having a really hard time getting back into the grove of getting my homework done, getting my reading done. Actually, it out right sucks. But that is ok, this will only last for five more weeks. Then I take a break again, although, as hard as it has been for me to get into the grove this time I am beginning to wonder if these breaks are the best thing for me. Guess we will wait and see.

questions

Why is it that so many people have such a negative view of Christians? Why is it that so many of us are so afraid to ask questions or to think for ourselves? I have to admit, that I have been and am sometimes that very person who is afraid to ask and think, but I am learning more and more each day that if I truly want to live in this relationship with Christ that I must ask questions and that I must think for myself. Thus it becomes my relationship rather then someone elses. The last thing that I ever want to do is to be the cause of someone saying, "look there is another one of those dumb Christians, that guy is just a dumb sheep, following whoever happens to be standing in front of him."

Holy Blood, Holy Grail

While I have not read this book I have had a couple of conversations about it. Mostly just listening to one particular gentleman about his reading of the book and his thoughts on it. He explained that there is a good possibility that it was in fact not Jesus that died on the cross. That Jesus may not have performed the miracles that we read in the Bible, that Jesus lived married and had children. After very little research on my part, I found that these are some of the central themes in Holy Blood, Holy Grail. My friend goes on to tell me that he believes that even without the death or the miracles, what we are left with is still a good thing. That Christianity is still good without Christ.

The problem is that without the divinity of Christ, without his miracles, without his death on the cross and his resurrection all we are left with is a moral code. A moral code that we are not capable to even living up to. C.S. Lewis says that when we live this way, trying to "be good" we will simply get frustrated because we will never be able to meet all the demands made by this moral code. We will either just give up or keep trying and become angrier and angrier. The biggest problem is that this moral code will not save us. In the end we would simply die. Without Christ's death and resurrection we have no way of being saved, of being healed, of anything.

Ramblings of some guy named Dean

So it begins. Trying to become much more consistant about all this jounal/blog stuff. Not sure what I will do with all of it but I feel compelled to write and write and write. Kind of freaks me out. Maybe this will be where I put my tough questoins and those dizzing thoughts that I often have about my Journey with Christ. Maybe it will just be the ramblings of some guy named Dean. Well, here it goes.

identity

My friend killed somebody. Not often that a person gets to say that, and to be honest, I don't really enjoy saying it myself. Sadly, it is true. A friend of my killed one of his co-workers last week. Now he is in jail and his wife and two beautiful children are at home without a husband or a father. I can only imagine what caused him to go to such an extreme. I got to talk with him last week. I continue to be struck by what he did. I often wonder if it has anything to do with where his identity lies. He worked for the same employer for fourteen years. Did he define himself by what he did for a living? How many of us do that as well? Next, it seems that he took steps to "take control" of his life. In taking control, he actually lost all control. I guess my point is that my identity does not lie in what I do for a living, or even in the things I do. My identity lies in Christ, and that cannot be taken away from me. No matter how bad things get, no matter how mean people are, no matter any of it... my identity cannot be threatened nor taken from me. Next, I am reminded of Matthew 16:25. Whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it." I believe that this is one of those moments that Jesus was talking about. My friend tried to save his life and in fact lost it entirely. He has lost his wife, children, job.... and so much more. My pray is that in the midst of it he will find his life in Christ and as such find his identity in Christ as well.